Persuasion Coach News
The 2024 Election Part IV – Why Don’t People Change their Minds? A – The Computer Between Your Ears
Before we can understand why people don’t change their minds, we need to know how they make up their minds to begin with.
Our conscious thoughts represent only a small part of what goes on in the human brain. Every one of us is indirectly influenced, much more often than we would ever imagine, by things that fly below our conscious radar screens, sub-radar influences.
Such an influence can instantaneously generate a like or a dislike, a sense that a statement is either true or false. I bought Robert Cialdini’s, Influence: the Psychology of Persuasion, thinking it would add to my resources about building productive discussions and resolving disagreements. I soon realized it was more of a defense-against-the-dark-arts of persuasion used by people who sell goods and services, ideologies, political candidates, etc.
Cialdini is not alone. In Blink, Malcolm Gladwell details how sub-radar assumptions usually help us but sometimes mislead us. Yet, he offers hope for learning how first impressions, gleaned in “fleeting moments,” can be educated and controlled, so we know whether to trust or question them.
It Started Long Ago
Suppose a prehistoric woman, “Quartz,” sees a man, “Flint,” striding toward her. Is he friend or foe? Quartz’s ability to decide without taking time to think can determine whether or not she survives the encounter.
Quartz knows that a smile generally indicates that a person is safe. Yet, she instinctively distrusts Flint, even though he’s smiling. Why? Our brains are wired to detect a sincere smile by the fact that it involves, not only the mouth, but also the eyes. Quartz will allow Flint to approach if he displays a full-face smile. If his eyes aren’t smiling, she fights or flees.
Even in prehistoric times, though, mental shortcuts weren’t foolproof. Let’s say that Flint is not smiling at all. With a fierce look, he bellows and breaks into a run, brandishing his club. Quartz turns around and runs—straight into the wolf Flint saw creeping up behind her. Flint wasn’t trying to threaten Quartz, but rather, to chase away the wolf.
Fast Forward
Since then, difficulties with mental shortcuts have grown more complicated. Our technological and social evolution has outstripped our biological evolution. Life is more complex, mental shortcuts prove counterproductive more often. Yet, we still need shortcuts.
The great majority of things that influence our decisions, opinions and actions fly sub-radar. What’s more, our brain wiring prompts us to rationalize our decisions after we have already made them sub-radar, but so quickly that we believe our rationales are the real and only reasons we decided as we did.
In one example, a researcher could stimulate the part of the brain that caused subjects to raise their arms. When asked why they raised their arms, you’ld think, knowing they were engaged with a device, people would say something like, “I guess that machine made me do it,” or “I don’t know. It just flew up on its own.” However, most subjects gave answers like, “I just decided to.” Our brains are fast and silent computers. They can rationalize any sub-radar reaction so quickly that we believe the rationalization was the beginning, rather than the end, of the mental process.
Sensory perceptions are especially powerful because we don’t even imagine that they influenced our opinions or decisions. When I was in college, I took an instant dislike to a boy who sat next to me in one of my classes. But why? He had never said or done anything to offend me. His sister was a friend of mine. Eventually, it came to me. He wore the same cologne as the first boyfriend to dump me when I was in high school. This is why political candidates run TV ads with the most unflattering black and white photos of their opponents they can find.
The idea that we do things for reasons we aren’t aware of disturbs most people. So does the idea that the rationale we think prompted a decision, opinion or action had little or nothing to do with the matter.
Good News – We have options
Option 1: We can deny the fact that we make decisions for different reasons than we thought we did. We might tell ourselves, “Maybe those sales tricks work on weak-minded people, but not on me.” The denial option leaves us open to more and more counterproductive decisions, including more and more sub-radar influence by savvy sellers.
Option 2: We can acknowledge sub-radar influences. When an impression or an opinion arises, don’t lock into it. Wait before acting on it. Recall what sensory stimuli preceded the impression or opinion. Was it an image, a sound, a smell?
Once we recognize the stimuli, we lessen their influence and open up opportunities for making better-informed decisions. The most self-confident and successful people lean toward Option 2. They know that being influenced without realizing it is not a personal failing, it’s a part of human nature. So they recognize the influence of sub-radar forces and learn how to navigate them.
Here’s an Anology
Say you love fishing in Lake Lucky. Fishing relaxes you. Plus, you provide fresh protein food for free.
Then you hear that a toxic chemical was detected in Lake Lucky. Officials advise not swimming or fishing in the lake until they investigate.
You have options:
Option 1: You can go into denial, tell yourself, “I’ve been eating fish from that lake for twenty years, and I feel fine.” And you might learn the hard way that what you denied is, in fact, true, when you die prematurely and painfully from the toxic chemical.
Option 2: You can temporarily stop fishing in Lake Lucky. You can seek alternative ways of relaxing and getting fresh food. You might look for a safer fishing spot and/or buy fish at a small grocery that specializes in healthier choices. You could try another meditative outdoor activity, such as walking a nature trail.
Try this Exercise
Think of someone who made a bad impression on you. What was the very first thing you noticed about that person? Was it a facial feature? The timbre of their voice? An article of clothing? An aroma?
Perhaps it was something the person said or did that offended you. Try to think of other explanations. Might they have been distracted or worried? What else was going on at the time?
This doesn’t mean you have to trust everyone you meet on auto pilot. You can proceed with caution without closing your mind.
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Wishes of the Season
If ever there was a time of the year when people can let go and reach out, it must be this time of year. You might celebrate Christmas per se, or Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, or another holiday, or just the snow or the sunshine or whatever you see outside your window.
In Charles Dickens’ classic story A Christmas Carol, Scrooge’s nephew Fred says that he has always thought of Christmas time as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time; the only time when people seem by one consent to open their shut up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.
I think it’s interesting, too, that Fred doesn’t just speak of Christmas as a day, but rather of “Christmas time,” a season. When I was young, Christmas Day was just the beginning of a number of days when we would visit relatives and enjoy some goodies at each house. I, for one, don’t take my decorations down on December 26.
These are my wishes for all of you—a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant, long running holiday season.
See you next year.
The 2024 Election, Part III – Votes and Voting in the US
This is the third in a series of articles for those who wish to understand some reasons (aside from the political ones one can read elsewhere) why and how the recent election turned out the way it did. To read the earlier posts, just scroll down this page.
This third article may be especially interesting to my readers of other nationalities and a nice refresher for those in the US.
Two Houses of Congress
The founders of the United States envisioned the former colonies as much more similar to nation states, rather than, for example, counties in England. That’s why they called them “states.”
The federal government provides things that don’t make sense for individual states to do. For example, establish a common currency, postal system, army and navy.
Individual states still retain authority over matters that would be handled by a national government in many other countries. They establish their own civil and criminal codes of law, which are valid unless they violate the national Constitution or laws.
Smaller colonies wanted each future state to have the same number of representatives in Congress. Of course, larger colonies wanted the representatives apportioned based on the populations of the respective states.
Thus, the founders established two houses of Congress. Each state has two senators. The states’ number of representatives in the House is based on population.
The Electoral College
For presidential elections, each state’s number of electoral votes is the sum of the two senators plus that state’s number of representatives.
Each state establishes districts, each of which produces one electoral vote. For example, if 500 people in a district vote for candidate Smith and 200 vote for candidate Jones, that district’s single electoral vote will be for Jones. That’s one reason, the electoral vote can differ from the nationwide popular vote.
Furthermore, each state chooses how their electoral votes are counted. In some states, the electoral votes are proportional. Let’s say such a state has 50 electoral votes, and so, has 50 districts. Let’s also say that 20 of their districts turned in a majority vote for Smith and 30 for Jones. That state casts 20 electoral votes for Smith and 30 for Jones.
Other states have a “winner-take-all” electoral vote system. If, in such a state, 20 districts turn in a majority vote for Smith and 30 for Jones, that state will cast all 50 of its electoral votes for Jones.
This is another reason one candidate can win a majority of the popular vote (the number of individuals nationwide who voted for each candidate) and yet lose the electoral vote. This occurred in 2016. Donald Trump won the electoral vote, yet Hillary Clinton won the popular vote by a wide margin.
Drawing Districts
One of the greatest powers of an individual state is to draw up the boundaries of the state’s districts and to change them from time to time. The term “gerrymandering” was first used when, in 1812, the governor of Massachusetts drew up a district boundary with such a convoluted shape that some people thought it looked like a salamander.
Gerrymandering is still practiced today. Weirdly shaped boundaries might be drawn, for example, to confine those who might vote against the party now in control of the state to as few districts as possible.
In the recent election, Harris received 48.2% of the popular vote. Trump received 50.1%. This amounts to a total of 149,223,169 individual votes cast. However, the number of people aged 18 or over in the United States is over 258, 000, 000.
So Why Don’t More People Vote?
For a single parent, working two jobs, voting might be a hardship, or even impossible. Those in other countries are sometimes amazed that election day is not a public holiday in the US.
I believe, however, that most of the reasons for not voting boil down to folks underestimating the value of their votes.
- One might be busy and think, I’m only one person. My vote can’t determine the outcome of the election. But if everyone adopted that philosophy, nobody would vote.
- Another might think, A large majority in my state leans in the opposite direction from me. And it’s a winner-take-all state. My vote could not possibly change the result of this election.
- I read that, after Barack Obama was elected president, many African-Americans took heart and looked for their lives to change for the better. As president, he achieved a lot—most notably, an affordable national healthcare system, similar to one that had been proposed by President Nixon—even though the Republican leaders in the Senate and House ordered their constituencies to vote against anything the president favored. However, when the lives of African-Americans did not change as much, or as quickly, as they had hoped, some didn’t have the heart to vote the second time around. They just didn’t feel they could bear setting themselves up for another disappointment.
Why It Is Important to Vote – Even if you feel certain that your state’s electoral votes will go the other way
For one thing, it’s important to have an effect on the nationwide popular vote.
Consider this analogy: vote tallies are not reported until after the polls have closed. That’s because such an announcement could influence those who have not yet voted. The more people who vote for a given candidate, the more likely others, especially those who are not strongly committed, will vote for that candidate.
Similarly, even after the election is over, when people see that their preferred candidate did well, or even won, in the popular vote, they are encouraged to continue voting in the future.
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The 2024 Election, Part II – The Power of Positivity
I’ll get to some reasons the ‘24 election went the way it did in future posts. First, I offer more self-care. If you have not yet read the first article on self-care, scroll down this page. The articles are in reverse chronological order.
I read of a study in which people were asked to walk down the sidewalk, enter a coffee house, and get a drink. The subjects were not told that some money had been placed on the sidewalk (I don’t remember if it was $5 or $20) and that there was someone in the coffee house who would be a good contact for business networking.
Before getting these instructions, the subjects had been asked whether they considered themselves optimists or pessimists. When they proceeded to the coffee house, the optimists noticed the money and picked it up. They also noticed the person in the coffee house and started a conversation. The pessimists, however, didn’t notice the money. They walked right past it. Nor did they notice the business contact in the coffee house.
When we focus on positive things, we will notice more good things in our lives and attract them to us. When we focus on negative things, we are less likely to notice the good things in our lives and even attract negativity.
Where does that leave us with respect to news consumption? I don’t watch any 24-hour TV news channels. They immerse people in bad news. They repeat the bad news over and over. They bombard one with programming that is not actual news reporting, but rather, so-called “pundits” talking about the news.
People get addicted to 24 hour news. I gave up on using the gym in my apartment complex because, if someone gets in there before me, chances are they will tune the TV to a 24-hour news channel. They are so addicted that it’s not enough to watch 24 hour news on their own televisions at home. They have to watch while working out.
Humans seem to gravitate toward bad news. But why?
This instinct evolved when bad news meant that the sabertooth cat was creeping up behind your friend or that a rival tribe was marching toward your settlement, shouting and brandishing their clubs. In our times, this instinct often works against us.
TV engages our senses in many ways—sight, sound and movement. Color images, as opposed to black and white. The more our senses are engaged, the more the news affects our emotions and even physical reactions.
I have found a way to read news, and believe it or not, it takes much less time than watching TV. Plus, it gives me more nuanced information. I subscribe to e-newsletters. (If you don’t take in information well by reading, I have suggestions for you below.)
I subscribe to several newsletters from Axios They have a morning newsletter, an evening newsletter and a later night newsletter that helps one end the day on a reflective, positive note. Axios also publishes local newsletters in some major cities, including here in Houston.
Axios’ philosophy is “smart brevity.” At the beginning of each newsletter, they tell you how many minutes it will take you to read it. Often, this is less than 10 minutes. They also give another side to each story.
What’s even better for me is that I don’t even have to read the entire Axios newsletter. There are sub headings for the various topics covered. So I can scroll right past ones that don’t interest me.
I’m doing a lot of self care these days, and for now, when the main newsletter headline includes the word “Trump,” I delete that email. I want news that might have some effect on what I do.
I don’t need to know who his cabinet members will be. I don’t need to know who secretly voted for him. Such details won’t change what I do.
I also subscribe to The Poynter Institute’s fact-checking arm, Politifact. Politifact does not simply rate things true or false. They have a scale: True, Mostly true, Partly true, Requires context, Partly false, Mostly false, False, and Pants on fire. Moreover, they explain the reasons for their ratings.
Now how about those of you who do not learn well by reading? You might be a visual learner. You may be a manual-kinesthetic learner, who learns by physical action, or when you can’t do the action yourself, watching action, such as on a video. You might learn better by watching television, but avoid the 24-hour channels.
For CBS, ABC, NBC and PBS, news represents only a small part of their programming. They want people who watch their news to stay with their channel and watch other shows. So they are less likely to air biased statements.
I tuned in to CBS when there was major breaking news, the attack on the US Capitol in January, 2021. This was like an attack by a rival tribe in prehistoric times. I felt a practical need to know what would happen..
CBS had preempted all their regular programming and gone to round the clock live coverage of that event. They didn’t stop until the people had left the Capitol grounds. I later learned that one 24 hour channel had not even covered the entirety of the attack. Rather, they under-reported it.
Finally, let’s return to inviting positivity into your life. I begin every day by visiting the Good News Network. They only publish upbeat stories.
Before bedtime, I like to watch humorous programs, like Shakespeare and Hathaway (on BritBox), or those with happy endings, like A Christmas Carol. I also enjoy playing games late at night, but not the fast paced action games the young people like so much. I prefer games like spider solitaire.
Here’s a link to A couple of lovely calming music videos and one meditative chant. Be patient. It might take a few seconds before the link to “Watch” appears and also a few seconds for the program to move from one little video to the next.
Till next time, wishing you peace and sweet dreams.
The 2024 Election, Part I – Self Care
To say that many of us were stunned by the outcome of the 2024 presidential election would be a major understatement. I don’t watch election returns come in. Why keep myself on tenterhooks? In this case, I thought it might be days before we would know the results anyway.
Yet, as soon as I turned on my computer on Wednesday, Nov. 6, 2024 and read the news, I felt a physical blow to my body, such as I have never felt before. It wasn’t like an impact that came from outside. It seemed to happen within my body. I had never felt so terrified and hopeless.
Many frightening thoughts ran through my mind:
- According to any number of news sources, Donald Trump stated that China would not oppose him because President Xi Jinping “Knows I’m fu— ‘crazy’.” He said that America’s adversaries would not act against US interests under a new Trump presidency because they would fear a forceful, even unpredictable, response.
- I recalled a Yahoo News summary of a Wall Street Journal article
Trump – who has previously been criticized for praising the Russian leader [Vladimir Putin] – said he had threatened him not to invade Ukraine.
He told the [Wall Street] Journal that he said to Putin: “I’m going to hit you right in the middle of fricking Moscow.”
- This man has shown no interest in furthering the steps his predecessors have taken to reduce carbon emissions. He has bragged about grabbing women by the crotch and getting away with it. He has disparaged women, people of color, LGBT+ in crude terms, and even mocked and mimicked people with intellectual disabilities. He has openly acknowledged that he studied the written works of dictators and even admitted that he would like to be one.
My first rational thought after the initial impact was that this man will now be in charge of the military forces of the United States of America. I thought of my friends and acquaintances in other countries, “What must they think?” Do they believe a huge number of US citizens actually approve of him? Do they know how close the vote count was?
The human mind naturally seeks a single answer to the questions “How?”and “Why?” something happened. In reality, however, there are usually a number of interacting factors.
I will provide some of my answers in a series of articles, beginning with this one. Meanwhile, you will find helpful information in my book Women Can Renew the World IF and so Can You.
First, take extra care of yourself at this time.
Stay Safe
Try not to drive while you are still upset. If you must drive, please don’t further distract yourself by talking on Bluetooth or listening to an audiobook. But do try to get outdoors, even if it’s only on your patio or balcony.
Anger
The human emotion of anger evolved to serve a useful function. It triggers the fight, flight or freeze response to a dangerous situation. However, nurturing that anger is unhealthy. Our bodies are not designed to stay in the flight, fight or freeze state for long periods of time.
We need to acknowledge our anger and let it out. That doesn’t mean that we should splash it all over Facebook or lay into those who voted differently from us.
From my work in the field of consensus building, persuasion and related communication skills, I assure you that verbally attacking, or even arguing with, people who voted for Donald Trump is counterproductive. It will actually make people dig in their heels and reinforce their commitment to their own opinions. (More about that later in this series of articles.)
So how do we get the anger out of our systems when fighting, fleeing or freezing won’t help? You can shut yourself in the bathroom and shout it out. You can take it out on the weeds you’re pulling. You can punch pillows.
You might express your anger to one other like-minded person, but you don’t have to hash it out with every like-minded person you know. Nor do you have to keep going back over it with the first person. You can write all about it, then shred the paper you wrote or printed it on. (More about alternatives to counterproductive arguing in a future article in this series.)
One thing I did with my anger was donate more than usual, as much money as I prudently could, to charitable organizations that help suppressed demographic groups— women, people of color, LGBT+, immigrants etc. I also donated to reliable, unbiased sources of news—Axios, the Poynter Institute and PBS.
Be Who You Really Are
Make yourself living proof that those who believe in true equality for all humans are kind, polite and caring to all humans, even those who disagree with us. Little acts, such as an especially warm smile and thank you to a service provider or holding a door open for a stranger, will lift your mood and help the other to think well of you no matter what your respective political beliefs.
Here’s a reading that helped me:
“Now what?” I ask myself at dawn this morning.
First, feel your racing heart, your incomprehension, your sorrow and anxiety, your harsh and brittle judgments.
Second, walk outside and watch the sunrise. Hear the loon’s mournful cry. Lift your head to the eagle flying above you.
Third, work harder. Work harder at understanding; at not allowing bitterness and anger to eclipse curiosity and love; at not succumbing to the use of the word “them,” even in your most private thoughts.
There’s so much to do, so many systems to change. Don’t let these phrases – these calls to action that sound so arduous – deter you.
What other way is there to build a future where the dominant pronoun is we?
We the people. We the inhabitants of Earth. We the parts of ecosystems where all sentient life arose.
Remember: we don’t know how this story ends. We do know we have a part to play in its unfolding. Strive to play a part worthy of your life.
Zoe Weil
This is the sort of thing I have shared on Facebook and received many thanks.
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My New Book
Greetings valued followers,
My Latest
It’s been a while since I’ve posted any news, largely because I’ve spent upwards of a year working full time on a new book. The Man in the Mirror–an Independent Spirit in a Regimented World is a the true story of my dad’s experiences in the US Navy in World War II. At first blush, it might seem like a departure from my previous books, which cover aspects of the communication skills I teach–that is until you learn that Dad instinctively practiced some of these very skills.
When dealing with a difficult situation, Dad looked around for resources that might help him just as we do when attempting to reach agreement with someone. In dealing with others, he thought before he spoke and kept his voice low and respectful.
A Heartwarming Story
An uncommon man with an uncommon life aboard an uncommon ship, USS Vestal, Willie (Dad) was running his own successful business when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor, Dec. 7, 1941. Though concerned about how his business would fare in his absence, Willie applied for admission to the US Navy the very next day.
He knew the regimentation of military life would run against his nature. Yet, my resilient dad persevered, creatively applying his unique skills and talents to make his life on a Navy service ship stand out. He proved to himself and to others that those peacetime talents were also valuable in war. He could call the Man he saw in the mirror every morning a friend.
A Model Parent
The tales Dad later brought home to my siblings and me did not feature many battles, but rather, unique experiences. He had a brush with death, not in war, but in boot camp. Natives serenaded him with a tune from home on every Pacific island he visited. He helped save another man’s life while on Shore Patrol duty. He stowed away on an Army plane. He made friends with a future Pulitzer Prize winner. And more.
Learn More and Please Give Feedback
You can read a large excerpt and view the pictorial Appendix on the book’s Amazon page. It’s available in both print and Kindle editions. I’d love to have your impressions after you’ve read the book.
Amazon Ratings and Reviews Are Easy
The best way to give me feedback is to write a simple Amazon review, which can be just a few sentences. From the book’s Amazon page, where you buy the book, scroll way way down until you see, “Review this product,” in the lower left.
However, I welcome your feedback no matter how you choose to deliver it.
Presentation & Book Signing
You are invited to my presentation on “Greed, Envy and Consensus Building,” August 6, 10:00 AM.
Afterward, I will be signing all three of my published books:
- Women Can Renew the World IF…and So Can You
- Bridges to Consensus
- Love on The Rocks with a Twist–Delightful Fiction with Lessons on Dealing with Others
Visitors will be welcome to attend either in person:
Emerson Unitarian Universalist Church
1900 Bering Drive (upstairs)
Or by Zoom:emersonhouston.org/adultlearners
See you there!
Save the Date – Aug. 6
I am pleased to report that I have been invited back to Emerson Church to teach another adult education class on August 6, 10:00 AM: “Greed, Envy and Consensus Building.”
Visitors will be welcome to attend either in person:
Emerson Unitarian Universalist Church
1900 Bering Drive (upstairs)
Or by Zoom:emersonhouston.org/adultlearners
I hope to see you there!
Margaret
Live or Zoom Presentation
Sunday May 21, 10:00-10:50 AM, I will be teaching a class based on my book, Women Can Renew the World IF…and So Can You. Visitors are welcome to attend in person or via Zoom.
This will not be straight lecture, but rather, more similar to the way I teach my training classes, interacting with attendees and demonstrating, with a helper, conversations using the skills I teach.
Emerson Unitarian Universalist Church
1900 Bering Drive (upstairs)
Zoom link:emersonhouston.org/adultlearners
I hope to see you there!
Margaret
Women’s History Month Sale
In honor of women’s history month, Women Can Renew the World IF…and So Can You is marked down to $12.75 throughout March 2023, in both print and Kindle editions.
“Women’s issues” don’t just affect women. This book will show you how today’s women can make history by improving the lives of entire societies. You will learn how to discuss sensitive issues like this in a persuasive, bridge-building manor.
Now is a great time to save if you have not yet read the book. If you have, how about gifting it to a friend or relative?