Before we can understand why people don’t change their minds, we need to know how they make up their minds to begin with.
Our conscious thoughts represent only a small part of what goes on in the human brain. Every one of us is indirectly influenced, much more often than we would ever imagine, by things that fly below our conscious radar screens, sub-radar influences.
Such an influence can instantaneously generate a like or a dislike, a sense that a statement is either true or false. I bought Robert Cialdini’s, Influence: the Psychology of Persuasion, thinking it would add to my resources about building productive discussions and resolving disagreements. I soon realized it was more of a defense-against-the-dark-arts of persuasion used by people who sell goods and services, ideologies, political candidates, etc.
Cialdini is not alone. In Blink, Malcolm Gladwell details how sub-radar assumptions usually help us but sometimes mislead us. Yet, he offers hope for learning how first impressions, gleaned in “fleeting moments,” can be educated and controlled, so we know whether to trust or question them.
It Started Long Ago
Suppose a prehistoric woman, “Quartz,” sees a man, “Flint,” striding toward her. Is he friend or foe? Quartz’s ability to decide without taking time to think can determine whether or not she survives the encounter.
Quartz knows that a smile generally indicates that a person is safe. Yet, she instinctively distrusts Flint, even though he’s smiling. Why? Our brains are wired to detect a sincere smile by the fact that it involves, not only the mouth, but also the eyes. Quartz will allow Flint to approach if he displays a full-face smile. If his eyes aren’t smiling, she fights or flees.
Even in prehistoric times, though, mental shortcuts weren’t foolproof. Let’s say that Flint is not smiling at all. With a fierce look, he bellows and breaks into a run, brandishing his club. Quartz turns around and runs—straight into the wolf Flint saw creeping up behind her. Flint wasn’t trying to threaten Quartz, but rather, to chase away the wolf.
Fast Forward
Since then, difficulties with mental shortcuts have grown more complicated. Our technological and social evolution has outstripped our biological evolution. Life is more complex, mental shortcuts prove counterproductive more often. Yet, we still need shortcuts.
The great majority of things that influence our decisions, opinions and actions fly sub-radar. What’s more, our brain wiring prompts us to rationalize our decisions after we have already made them sub-radar, but so quickly that we believe our rationales are the real and only reasons we decided as we did.
In one example, a researcher could stimulate the part of the brain that caused subjects to raise their arms. When asked why they raised their arms, you’ld think, knowing they were engaged with a device, people would say something like, “I guess that machine made me do it,” or “I don’t know. It just flew up on its own.” However, most subjects gave answers like, “I just decided to.” Our brains are fast and silent computers. They can rationalize any sub-radar reaction so quickly that we believe the rationalization was the beginning, rather than the end, of the mental process.
Sensory perceptions are especially powerful because we don’t even imagine that they influenced our opinions or decisions. When I was in college, I took an instant dislike to a boy who sat next to me in one of my classes. But why? He had never said or done anything to offend me. His sister was a friend of mine. Eventually, it came to me. He wore the same cologne as the first boyfriend to dump me when I was in high school. This is why political candidates run TV ads with the most unflattering black and white photos of their opponents they can find.
The idea that we do things for reasons we aren’t aware of disturbs most people. So does the idea that the rationale we think prompted a decision, opinion or action had little or nothing to do with the matter.
Good News – We have options
Option 1: We can deny the fact that we make decisions for different reasons than we thought we did. We might tell ourselves, “Maybe those sales tricks work on weak-minded people, but not on me.” The denial option leaves us open to more and more counterproductive decisions, including more and more sub-radar influence by savvy sellers.
Option 2: We can acknowledge sub-radar influences. When an impression or an opinion arises, don’t lock into it. Wait before acting on it. Recall what sensory stimuli preceded the impression or opinion. Was it an image, a sound, a smell?
Once we recognize the stimuli, we lessen their influence and open up opportunities for making better-informed decisions. The most self-confident and successful people lean toward Option 2. They know that being influenced without realizing it is not a personal failing, it’s a part of human nature. So they recognize the influence of sub-radar forces and learn how to navigate them.
Here’s an Anology
Say you love fishing in Lake Lucky. Fishing relaxes you. Plus, you provide fresh protein food for free.
Then you hear that a toxic chemical was detected in Lake Lucky. Officials advise not swimming or fishing in the lake until they investigate.
You have options:
Option 1: You can go into denial, tell yourself, “I’ve been eating fish from that lake for twenty years, and I feel fine.” And you might learn the hard way that what you denied is, in fact, true, when you die prematurely and painfully from the toxic chemical.
Option 2: You can temporarily stop fishing in Lake Lucky. You can seek alternative ways of relaxing and getting fresh food. You might look for a safer fishing spot and/or buy fish at a small grocery that specializes in healthier choices. You could try another meditative outdoor activity, such as walking a nature trail.
Try this Exercise
Think of someone who made a bad impression on you. What was the very first thing you noticed about that person? Was it a facial feature? The timbre of their voice? An article of clothing? An aroma?
Perhaps it was something the person said or did that offended you. Try to think of other explanations. Might they have been distracted or worried? What else was going on at the time?
This doesn’t mean you have to trust everyone you meet on auto pilot. You can proceed with caution without closing your mind.
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